[Auctioning the Valise]
Mr. Bunion: Ahha! I know what I'll do. I' will have this old valise sold at auction. Someone is sure to buy it. I guess I'm foolish? [AUCTION ROOMS We Sell Anything and Ever]
Mr. Bunion: All you do is sell it!!! For as much or as little as you want to and I don't care how much you make on it.
Auctioneer: Oh I'll sell it. I can sell anything whether they want to buy or not I force em to buy and at a good price too.
Auctioneer: Now, people! We have here a valise as sound as a dollar, will lnever wear out and will be sold to the highest bidder. Come up and see for your selves what a good strong affair it is. Now, what am I bid?
Mr. Bunion: I'll bid for a starter, just to
Mr. Bunion: I'll bid thirty cents.
Auctioneer: What's that I hear? Thirty cents? Ah! Thirty centers I'm offered, who'll make it thirty five? Thirty cents I'm bid for as substantial valise as was ever carried by mortal man. Who'll make it thirty five?
Auctioneer: Come up and Examine it, people. There it is, look at it, built like a battle ship, thirty centers I'm offered. Don't permit yourselves to let this opportunity to go by. Who'll raise it five? Thirty cents, who'll say five more?
Mr. Bunion: It's a fine one I saw it. It's a--
Crowd: Why don't you guy it? I don't want it! Not for me no sir. I wouldn't have it.
Auctioneer: Who'll make it thirty five? Well! I'm surprised. Thirty cents I'm bid. Thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty. Someone make it thirty five. Who'll bid thirty five?
Crowd: Not for mine. Nit.
Mr. Bunion: I know who used to own it. A beat.
Crowd: Why didn't they keep it? Couldn't give it to me. I don't want it.
Auctioneer: The chance of a life time, people! Look at it! Think of it! And only thirty cents I"m offered. Do I hear thirty-five? Did someone say thirty-five? Thirty five, let me thirty-five?
Crowd: He can have it. I don't need it. Not today for this chicken.
Mr. Bunion: Oh. Well. I will buy it back. They're too wise a bunch. Where is that change?
Auctioneer: Going. Going Once, Going, Going Twice and last call, going going going and gone to you Mr. Bunion!